One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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