wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Sorry my hands just texted you
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
whose parrot is this?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
