just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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