I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Fuck appropriateness.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
