she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Even my vagina gasped.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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