So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize