you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
