Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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