You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
