I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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