I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
