Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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