# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
