Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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