No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
