I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
