Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
