I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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