I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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