There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
