when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
