Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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