just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
