You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
