We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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