help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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