did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
