This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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