I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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