i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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