david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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