This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
