I CAN MOONWALK!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
