you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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