watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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