covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I am midnight drunk by noon
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
