Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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