I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
