Your dad touched me again.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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