I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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