Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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