so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
