I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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