I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
