Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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