I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
