Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
