If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
