I accidentally burped into my bong.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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