I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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