nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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