So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
