...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
