I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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