I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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